Quotations

Because Language is a Wonderful Playground

  The following quotations, nonce words, etc. may cross my lips:

• Original quotations of mine,
• My Sage Advice,
• Nonce words created by minor spelling changes of common words, and other modifications of the common language,
• Other words which seem to be confused,
• Modified versions of popular quotations,
• Very Important Signs,
• These are “Not mine eh!”, but I still quote them.

  The following are quotations to which I lay claim as originator.

• Standards; Aren’t Standards Wonderful?
      Isn’t it amassing when the same standard is used twice?
        Also other “Isn't it …” conclusions are applied, depending on the situation.
          (Yes, there seems to be little standardization on the secondary phrase!)
• The Key to KYOTO is No Key in the Auto.
    This is used both to encourage use of public transit, and to reduce idling of vehicles.
      It is not intended to support the illegal activity of entering private vehicles to remove keys from the ignitions.
• All journeys, no matter how long, begin with a single step.
    And the longer that journey is expected to be; The farther that journey is experted to take you from home:
      The More Strongly I Recommend that that First Step be planning.
• No one in his own eyes is a hypocrite;
    Rather we each draw our own lines, and make our own distinctions.
• An old dry sponge – soaks no water.
    or A dry sponge soaks slowly, and only with encouragement.
      Used as analogies for the learning curve, whereby it is hard to learn the first bit of any topic.
• If it ain’t broke − Take it apart, and find out how it works, so you can fix it when it is [broken].
    [Although I also appreciate what was said by another, on a related topic:
      “If your attitude is ‘If it ain't broke don't fix it,’ – then you should consider going back to watching B&W Television.”]
• To kill one bird with two stones.
    Said when a problem must be totally eliminated.
• You do not have to make the right decision −
    Just one you can live with, until next an opportunity to select comes along.
      Said when the bad decisions are eliminated, and the ‘best’ is not clear.
• “Tons of people,” you say.
    It only takes about 15 people to make a ton!
• “Watch your head,” you say.
    If I were to hit it much harder, we could look inside and see why I do silly things like that [the banging of it]!
• Yes, I am an American; I’m from the Confederated Provinces and Territories of North America,
    a.k.a. Canada.
• As an Engineer, and as an experienced parent, I see the glass as neither half full, nor half empty. Rather I see that:
    There is a [scant] safety-factor of two between the capacity of the glass and the extent of its filling.
• Depending on the circumstances, I may announce that something is available in three, or perhaps four, sizes;
    These sizes would be from this list: Too Big, Too Small, and Way Too Big and/or Way Too Small.
• You do not have to act like you own the place. ‘Just Renting’ is good enough.
    Said when avoiding security protocols by passing boldly plain sight.
• Junk accumulates to over-fill the storage space available.
    A simple truth, which pack-rats must learn to accept.
• Fun, fun, fun, fun, … not Fun!!
    When children (and others) seem to be acting, oblivious of personal safety.
• The part is not made until the burrs are removed.
    The job is not done until the tools are put away.
      Simple, good, practice.
• Sunshine within the shower,
    Rain again within the hour.
      I am surprized that this quotation is not folklore; it being so often true (at least wherever I have lived),
• Time Travel is possible …
    However travel, at speeds significantly different from 60 minutes per hour, is difficult to achieve.
• You talk of the “Right to Life”.
    Are you talking about a right for quantity of life, or for quality of life?
• You talk of the “Right to Choice”.
    Are you talking about a right for the mother to make a choice over a life-time of responsibility,
      or for the baby to make a choice over living a life of, perhaps without many common pleasures?
• If it is not one dang thing after another [that goes wrong, or that needs attention, or …],
    Then it is the same dang thing again and again —
      And that gets embarrassing [or other conclusion indicating the former is better].
• Some mixed metaphors, such as this one, work:
    A foot in the door,
      Is not the whole nine yards.
• “All Natural,” you say —
    You mean ‘Natural’ like Hornets, Poison Ivy, Ptomaine, Anthrax, Asbestos, Radon Gas, …?
      They All are Natural and Many can even be Organic!
        Other candidates for the list include:  • freezing and blistering-hot weather,  • tornadoes & hurricanes,  • earth quakes & tsunamis,  • quicksand, Leda clay, land slides, sink-holes,  • lightning,  • meteor strikes, ….
• It is a lot of work to make things simple.
    [It is a lot of work for the designer and engineer
      to make things simple for the end user.]
        By contrast, Robert A. Heinlein (Author, The Rolling Stones, 1952) said it thus:
          Every technology goes through three stages:
          • first, a crudely simple and quite unsatisfactory gadget;
          • second, an enormously complicated group of gadgets designed to overcome the shortcomings of the original and achieving thereby somewhat satisfactory performance through extremely complex compromise;
          • third, a final proper design therefrom.
• During the design stage, it may be OK to ‘Kill Two Birds with One Stone’,
    But when there are field problems:
      I prefer a fix that ‘Kills one Bug with Two Shoes’.

• Thoughts on Insurance:
    • If you can not afford it; Then you can not afford not to have it.
    • If you can afford not to have it: Then it is better you be self insured; Unless you know something they* don’t -- and
      • Can prove that they should have known that you knew, and
      • Can prove that they could not expect to have found out.
  *‘They’ being the Insurer.

  The following nonce words, and re-selected phrases, seem to me to be much more appropriate than what is commonly used.

• Flap-top
    Have you ever happily used a portable computer on your lap?
    However, do you not agree that the lid moves up and down?
• Road Constriction
    When have you ever driven, unimpeded, through an area of road construction?
      So why call it “construction,” when it is the “constriction” which is relevant?

• Drip Stick
    When you pull it out, it probably [even hopefully?] drips.
• Digital Inaccuracy
    Plus or minus one count on the least significant digit.
• Dust Corrector
    An device used to process the air from around some industrial processes, although if they were officially called dust correctors, I would be quite happy to call them dust collectors, as handling what they collect becomes another problem.
• Cheese Curves
    One of my young children came up with this, on not recognising the word “curd,” but certainly noting the shape of the food.
• Veryclose Veins
    They are visible, under the skin, because they are very close to the surface.
• Landscraping
    Since it often involves moving the topsoil.

  Some of the English language seems to be confused, as evidenced in the following:

• Entomology
    The study of how various words crawled from their original definition to their current usage.
  Etymology
    The study of big words, especially the biological names used for insects.

  The following are popular quotations, which I seem to have made better.

• Every day, in every way, we get better and better − While leaving room for tomorrow’s improvements.
    Depending on the occasion, the latter part may be modified to better suit the occasion, including to the more serious:
  − While laying the groundwork for tomorrow’s improvements.
• It is said you never get more than you pay for.
    Indeed! If it has a [popular] brand name, you usually pay more; and if it has none, you pay more often.
• Life is Uncertain. Eat Desert First.
    At the (close) of the previous meal.
• It is said that the apple never falls far from the tree;
    and, although it can roll, it may get its seeds even farther from the tree by being tasty.
  [I am still trying to figure out what this really means.]
• There is more than one way to put two and two together to make four:
    Addition …… 2+2 = 4,
    Multiplication …… 2×2 = 4,
    Exponentiation …… 2² = 4,
    Division …… 2÷2 = 4.
      Of course not all of them are correct.
• When all has been said and done:
    Usually more has been said than done;
      Which can be true through good planning [and the betterment of inferior ideas];
        or Through poor execution [and simple oversight of important conditions and commitments].
  
• Variants include:
  • When all has been said and done;
      with more having been said than tried – and more tried than done,
        it is probably indicative of a struggle with some problem.
  • Somewhere, after most has been said and while things are still being done – One can get confused about:
      Which things that were said, are to be done, and
        Which things that were said, were later deemed deemed inferior ideas, not to bother with.
  • After all is said and done:
      Maybe more has been said than done – But more likely:
        There was a whole whack of stuff that was done, undone, and re-done.
          Re-done – Either little differently; or Maybe just the same.
• From Big to Small,
    And Not too Tall.
      Keep it Flat, So it Won’t go Splat;
        Or, Keep it Straight – Equilibrate.
          [The first two lines were from a Safety Poster, on Keeping Piles Safe.]
• If at first you don’t succeed,
    Process it as a FAIL, and learn from it.
     FAIL: Formative Advance In Learning.
        [Polished from a backronym heard on CBC radio.]
• If at first you don’t suck seed, try dryer grain.
    [But explaining it would be a long story, from an episode of the BBC comedy show, Funny you should Say That.]

  Warnings, cautions, and other advice pervade our life.

• WARNING! Objects in mirror are in a different direction than they appear!,
    (Which, to a driver, is probably much more significant than the “… closer than they appear” warning on convex mirrors.)
• CAUTION! This panel is not hinged.
    (On what might, to some, look like a door.)
• WARNING: Contents under pressure!
    (Which can apply to many things, including well packed suitcases.)
• You are here; Looking in this [insert requisite arrow] direction.
    (A sign which, unfortunately, is needed all too often. Why are maps, when posted on signs and the like, not, uniformly, oriented with respect to their surroundings?)

  These quotations are ones I frequently use.
  Where no credit is given, I am hoping that they are indeed public domain. Where credit is given, I hope it is correctly applied. Any correction in these matters would be appreciated.

• Newspapers, regularly, publish lists of those who have quit smoking.
    The listing is called ‘The Obituaries.’
• Fool me once - Shame on you.
    Fool me twice - Shame on me.
• We can tell when a technology has truly arrived when the new problems it gives rise to approach in magnitude the problems it was designed to solve.
    Arthur Chandler, 1997
• Do you want it right now − or do you want it right?
• Practice does not make perfect;
    Practice makes permanent.
      (A choir conductor, commenting on the results of having asking students to practice a foreign-language song, un-supervised.)
        It takes structured, and perhaps supervised practice to generate improvement.
          [My interpretation.]
• To look is one thing. To see is another.
    To understand what you see is something else again.
      To learn from what you understand is still different.
        But to act on what you learn is all that really matters.
  (Although I quote it, it seems not quite complete.
    The action must be appropriate to what was properly learned from an insightful understanding of an accurate observation.
      Thus:
  To sense is one thing. To perceive accurately is another.
    To understand with insight what you perceive is something else again.
      To learn properly from what you understand is still different.
        But to act appropriately on what you and others learn is all that really matters.)
• As an Engineer, I believe: Two plus Two may equal five;
    But it requires sufficiently large values for two, and yields a small five.
      Conversely:- For sufficiently small values of two: 2 + 2 = 3, but it is a large ‘3’.
• First you learn how not to do it;
    Then you learn how to do it;
      Then you can go into production.
        Quotation from my Father.
• If you start making mistakes, because you are tired:
    It is time to quit – Before the mistakes become irreversible.
      Sage advice from my Mother.
• Don’t Know What it is Good for;
    But is it Ever Good!
      Credo of the pack-rat.
• I used to keep an open mind − but everything fell out.
    Used when something important has been forgotten.
• Vice is a Monster of so frightful mien,
      As to be hated needs but to be seen;
  Yet, seen too oft, familiar with her face,
      We first endure, then pity, then embrace.
          (Alexander Pope)
• The plural of ‘anecdote,’
      is not ‘evidence.’
• Thermodynamics – in four laws
      and I regret I know not the source for this gem,
          (although there are similar out there):
  1. You Can Not Win;
  2. The Best you can do is to Break Even;
  3. You can only break even at Absolute Zero;
  4. Absolute Zero is Unobtainable.
• Ripe is but a brief stage,
      in the transition, from green to rotten.
          (D. S. Gamble)